i am guaranteed to lose... no matter what happens, you will walk away from me some day and never ever look back. you probably will now, anyway, and i am so very terribly afraid of losing you forever, even as a friend. oh me of little faith. you say we're ok, and if we're ok then *I* will be ok. but. it feels like you are shutting me out again. you seem so happy with everyone else, all your new admirers, and don't even seem to want to talk to me. i'm definitely not feelin' the love, and it is not reassuring.
is this the decision that you wanted? are you happy with the choice, are you relieved to be done with it? was it easier to walk away a second time? did i give you an easy out, or are you saddened too? i hate to think it means so little. i would hate to think you are indifferent.
or are you annoyed that i made you choose? ha. i know i am.
my heart feels like someone filled it up with broken glass... and stamped on it. i feel sick and sad, and it hurts when i breathe. i don't think i would lift a finger right now to prevent my own death. i think, just maybe, i am crazy.
i wish i could take it ALL back. and i wish it had been anyone but you, because then it wouldn't have been at all.